Christina Hendricks has Passion and We Want Her to be a Spaceman.

Mad Men star’s Christina Hendricks is known for one thing – her flaming red hair.  A sort of messiah to red heads everywhere, Hendricks has made it her calling to stifle the negative comments directed at the Scots-Irish who were fortunate enough to be born with molten locks of sexuality. 

At the turn of the twentieth century, the notorious Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy dolls brought in an ugly era of bigotry against the Irish in the United States.  What has been glorified and held up as “traditional” is entrenched in bigoted overgeneralizations of citizens who were coming to America for a better livelihood.  Putting this in perspective, this era coincided with the “No Irish” signs that permeated the United States when many Irish were immigrating to this country.

In 2005, the tide finally began to turn when Hendricks was showcased as a capable, independent manager at Mad Men’s advertising firm, Sterling Silver.  Bringing dignity back to a community mistreated by the public, Hendricks was able to overcome bigotry that has long been mocked by such as South Park, which specifically targeted and discriminated against “gingers” – a slur which has somehow managed to root itself in the mainstream media.  

Since her arrival into the limelight, Hendricks has done all she can to shed light on issues that affect the lives of redheads.  For instance, Pacific Sun and Pantene Pro-V offer over 44 shades of “blonde” shades for men and women who want to dye their hair collectively.  Similarly, these companies give individuals wishing for a brunette tint over 37 distinct options and 19 options for people who wish for the dark(ish) black tints.  If you wish to dye your hair red or a different shade of red you only have four options.  Four options to choose from if you want to dye your hair red compared with 19 options if you wanted to dye your hair black(ish).

Hendricks has proven herself in the public’s eye to be more than a character than she play’s on a top-rated television show.  She is an inspiration.  She is hope for a group of people that had no one carrying their banner, until in walks a smart, capable, and intelligent woman on a TV show set in the 1960s.

It’s no wonder that whenever any of us thinks of the red head from Mad Men the first thing we think of is her advocacy on behalf of  redheads everywhere.  No longer is it Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy.  Today it is Proud Ann and Proud Andy.  

The Exploding Fizzling Career of Zac Efron

It seems every time you turn on the news these days, another young celebrity has gotten into trouble.  Last week Miley Cyrus was tweeked out and twerking at the MTV Video Music Awards.  This week Logogorrhea Blogorrhea has learned that Zac Efron, star of High School Musical, completed rehab five months ago.  The star, 26, was addicted to Diet Coke and Mentos – a combination that can be fatal.

 

Dr. Xavier Bonaventure oversaw Efron’s detox and rehab program and agreed to speak with us about the actor’s struggle on the condition of anonymity. 

“Zac’s rise to stardom happened too quickly and forced him to grow up too fast.  I see a lot of young actors who turn to doping and boozing to cope with the pressures of getting too hot too fast in the movie biz.  At least, that’s my professional opinion.”

Efron first started “fizzing,” as Millennials call it, six years ago.  You may have seen the videos of men in goggles and white lab coats dropping a Mento or two into a two liter bottle of Coke.  The volcanic reaction stimulates your senses and you may think its pretty neat – but what are your kids thinking?  What if your teenager thought it would be cool or funny to drink fizzy pop and then swallow a few Mentos?

For years, Efron managed to keep his addiction a secret from his closest friends and family.  Last Halloween, all hell finally broke loose.  Efron went with a few of his friends to one of Aaron Spelling’s notorious Halloween parties dressed as Hanna Montana (note the irony).  Sources say that Efron’s sister, Monica, spent an hour looking for him after he had disappeared.  She finally found him in Spelling’s library reading Story Time with Tori Spelling foaming at the mouth. Monica got there just in time.

Dr. Bonaventure explained that Efron’s BMI levels were off the charts when he was rushed to St. Catherine’s Emergency Room.  Another thirty minutes, Efron would have fizzled to death.

This was the wakeup call that Zac Efron needed.  He checked himself into Lizardntub Rehab Facility in Palo Alto, where he was under intense supervision for his first month.  “It wasn’t easy, but I knew that each breath mint could be my last.  I came forward to tell my story so that it may serve as an example to teens and tweens who may think that turning your body into a second grade science experiment might impress the ladies.  I want them to know that it’s OK to just say no.”

Efron has only had one minor setback after watching the bubble scene of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  Hopefully, coming out with this story will serve as a reminder to parents that our children are experiencing pressures that we did not have to endure growing up in the 20th century.  The ground has simply gotten too low.

Explosive logorrhea

Billy, you are the mastermind behind this creation.  Thank you.  I can't wait to pseudo learn from you all.