The World Series is almost upon us and if you want to make any money in your office's World Series pool you better bet your dollar on the Detroit Tigers.
What, you want reasons? Fine. We've got five.
1. Home-field advantage
Uhhhh, ever heard of it? Since the American League won the All Star Game, the Tigers would have the extra game at home if the World Series goes to seven. It will go to seven, because the Tigers are good but not that good. They'll wait it out for the home-field advantage because everyone knows you're better at your game at home, whether that game is baseball, or Nintendo, or watching all extended edition Lord of the Rings movies in one marathon sitting like a fucking champion. You know what's stocked in your fridge, you know exactly where to find the best spot on the couch, and you're not afraid to take it because this shit is in YOUR house. The World Series is just like that.
2. Improved defense
With Jose Iglesias playing shortstop, literally no one is getting by.
3. The bullpen
Okay, okay, yes the bullpen was a shitshow last season. Just like a whole mess. And yes, of course, the Tigs (pronounced with a hard "i") for sure have to send Justin Verlander into the bullpen; I mean come on. The guy allowed three walks in the shutout? Give me a break. But once that dummy's in there, the team is golden. You've got Joaquin Benoit just chilling offering his undying support; Jose Veras, whose flexibility is a "real good addition" according to the Detroit Free Press (dude can put his leg behind his head); and last but certainly not least Bruce Rondon who is just killing it nonstop running with the bulls.
4. Drew Smyly
Love that guy.
5. Eminem
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
(The Tigers are calm and ready.)
See you in October.
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