The Fall's Greatest Sport that isn't Football

Well, people, it's that time of the year again. That magical time of the year when the world looks a little less green and a little more orange. The time of the year when children make ugly scarecrows for their front lawns with heads made from milk gallons. The time of the year where hipsters pick apples to make subpar applesauce and then can it in their apartment for "Christmas gifts."

That's right, it's finally fall. It is time to enjoy the changing of the seasons. So pull your steel tipped boots and cowboy hats out of the closet because it's time for one of the fall's greatest sports: horseback riding!

The fall is absolutely ideal for horseback riding. No one is sweating as much as in the summer-neither horse nor human- making for a drier and more enjoyable ride. Plus, there is less incident of bugs flying into the rider's teeth, because bugs are mostly all dead in fall. (Score!)

An additional benefit of fall to horseback riding is the availability of hundreds of kinds of apples. I don't know if you know this, but horses love apples!!!!!!! They could just eat them all day every day, sometimes even without peanut butter.

Important note: make sure to peel and core any apples you feed to your horses. Some of them can't be bothered to do it themselves, and this may result in an acute case of HD. (Horse death)

And so, we at Logorrhea Bloggorhea urge you to step right up to the hay-barn-horse-place and get your ass on a horse! Ride them around the park, to the grocery store, or even in your flower beds! Their poop is totally a great fertilizer. Bonus!!!!!

Time For Some Advice

-with Banana Rebolini

This week I will address a question that really got me thinking about laws and friendship and dinner.

“I have a friend who wants to eat people with me. What do I do?”

At first I was like, “this is a no brainer, you can’t eat people because, no doy, it’s against the law. NEXT. This job is easy.”

But as I read and re-read the letter, I couldn’t help but wonder, “IS cannibalism illegal?” The question plagued me for days. And I quickly discovered, I was not alone in my perplexity. My research led me to Professor Pedigo, a man who spent most of his natural life wondering the same thing. He asked the question more eloquently than I ever could:

“I mean, it’s not my thing, but IS CANNIBALISM ILLEGAL?” (Chris Ped….page 45)

I had to get to the bottom of this. For both our sake.  

Turns out, it’s not.

So I guess the real question you have to ask yourself is, “is cannibalism YOUR thing?”

Take some time and really get to know yourself before answering. There may be some truth to the saying, “once you go people meat, you never go back.” Would you be a steady cannibal or an “I only eat humans on the weekends” binge cannibal?  Do you have the freezer space? I definitely do not, as my apartment was rented to me with a smaller than average refrigerator.  Will this bring you and your friend closer? Should you do it “just for the story?” In my experience, the answer to that question usually is “yes.” It probably would be a very good story since most people are ignorant and believe this to be an illegal practice. Sometimes when you get a new job or you’re doing a workshop at work the instructor will make you introduce yourself to the group and you’ll have to tell them where you’re from and what your position is and sometimes they even make you tell everyone a “fun fact” about yourself. I always stress about the fun fact, but maybe this could be yours! Then you’ll never have to question what’s fun and interesting about yourself again.

I think you have your answer. Cheers!

As always - let go and let god,

Banana

DAYUM! OUR STAFF POSSESSES SOME NICE FINE ART!

Topic: Fine Art written with a Chris Ped twist.
Fine arts include things such as painting, sculpture, poetry and music.  So I guess modern arts falls into this category as well.   And I don't really get modern art but, you know, it's whatever you want it to be. So today I present for the first time a new type of art, the NEW AGE, of art.  The art I present was nicely stated by the gentlemen I walked past last night in Miami, while he was being pretty fucking disrespectful, but art is subjective right?  He said "damn that girl is like fine art".  So today I present the fine art of our bloggers.

Above is two of our bloggers, the Reb sisters. They are reminiscing about SHS and talking about how their Fine Art looks just as good as in high school. 

 I don't know who Katryn is, so I google imaged" Katryn  ass" and came up with this picture.  Her fine art is in the air! TWERKING + YOGA = FINE ART!

 Yup, thats me! And I have a baby on my fine art!

 Throw back to billy and Eden with spray tans and pretending to be "The Situation" and Snookie respectively.  That's some fine jersey art!

 This is Jenna and her fine art got cut off a bit. But I think half of it is all you need to tell that is some DAMN FINE ART!

This is Caitlin in her wedding dress, yep fine art ya'll. 

So this concludes my first post on the NEW AGE, MIAMI version of fine art.  Wait now that I think about it, he probably said 

"FINE ASS".

Detroit Tigers Slated To Take World Series Cup For First Time Since 1984

The World Series is almost upon us and if you want to make any money in your office's World Series pool you better bet your dollar on the Detroit Tigers. 

What, you want reasons? Fine. We've got five.

1. Home-field advantage

Uhhhh, ever heard of it?  Since the American League won the All Star Game, the Tigers would have the extra game at home if the World Series goes to seven. It will go to seven, because the Tigers are good but not that good. They'll wait it out for the home-field advantage because everyone knows you're better at your game at home, whether that game is baseball, or Nintendo, or watching all extended edition Lord of the Rings movies in one marathon sitting like a fucking champion. You know what's stocked in your fridge, you know exactly where to find the best spot on the couch, and you're not afraid to take it because this shit is in YOUR house. The World Series is just like that.

2. Improved defense

With Jose Iglesias playing shortstop, literally no one is getting by.

3. The bullpen

Okay, okay, yes the bullpen was a shitshow last season. Just like a whole mess. And yes, of course, the Tigs (pronounced with a hard "i") for sure have to send Justin Verlander into the bullpen; I mean come on. The guy allowed three walks in the shutout? Give me a break. But once that dummy's in there, the team is golden. You've got Joaquin Benoit just chilling offering his undying support; Jose Veras, whose flexibility is a "real good addition" according to the Detroit Free Press (dude can put his leg behind his head); and last but certainly not least Bruce Rondon who is just killing it nonstop running with the bulls.

4. Drew Smyly

Love that guy.

5. Eminem

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy 

There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti 

He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready

(The Tigers are calm and ready.)

See you in October.

The 2008 Housing Market Crisis: What Really Happened

It was only half a decade ago that our delicate economy was struck down by a housing crisis that was years in the making.  All mildly intelligent human beings understand the fine details of this major U.S. event; however, there is much we are still uncovering.  It is a simple breakdown of deceit and economics.

It all began when private lenders became a little too loosey goosey, as many economists have put it.  Thousands of working class Americans fell prey to the low interest rates and free toasters that were promised to them along with their mortgage. So everyone bought a house and a white picket fence and/or moat and began their own version of the American dream.   Life was good and houses were plenty.

Then the derivatives went haywire.  They become unregulated and people began to lose capital.  So what now?  These formerly proud homeowners now were losing money and owing more of it.  Naturally, it wasn't long before Wall Street stepped in.  They came and turned everyone's Brady Bunch into Duck Dynasty and fast.  They swooped in and capitalized off of all the homeowners' inabilities to pay their mortgages and gobbled up the remains like a ravenous toad.

 We cannot discuss the remainder of this crisis without mentioning Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

 And then there were the anti-predatory laws that the banks and government were like, "ehh, nah" about.  There was massive attempts by the government to play dumb and portray these regulatory financial laws as a Chris Hansen creation.  This failed quietly and miserably after everyone realized child predators, like Cannibals, were wrong, though technically not illegal, and laws could not technically center around them. Technically. 

So why, then, didn't anyone blow the whistle and stop this crash before it got out of control?  Simple: capital gain.  We all like it, love it, want some more of it.  If you blow the whistle, you can be a hero, like Upton Sinclair or a Liberty referee, or you can keep quiet and try to get a piece of the pie.  Pie usually wins.

Rebuttal: Outrage Amid Scandal Involving Five Dollar Footlongs

Washington, D.C. –  V.I. News Corp. was informed this morning that one of its top correspondents, Andy Warhola, resigned this morning amid a hacking scandal involving a Mr. K.  Warhola had written an article for Logorrhea Blogorrhea entitled “Horrible Little Man Micromanages Blog While Subsisting Entirely on Subway Five Dollar Footlongs.”  The article was subsequently edited sometime during the night or morning after it was posted on September 17, 2013.  

The edited article portrayed Mr. K in a positive light, describing him as a wonderful man and the love of the author’s life.  The genuine article is reported to have been an unflatteringly portrayal of Mr. K, accusing him internet collective blog bullying and hoarding subway five dollar footlongs in his jowls.  

Mr. Warhola declined to comment on the reasons why Mr. K edited the blog, but did state, “I find it ironic that this sandwich stuffing man doesn’t believe in freedom of the press considering that he is currently enrolled in a 1^st Amendment class at The George Washington Law School.”  Mr. Warhola further speculated that Mr. K is related to Russian President Vladimir Putin.  Sources have confirmed that Mr. K is, in fact, a distant relative of President Putin, which may explain his actions.

-Vandelay Industries News Corp.

BABIES: THE FIRST YEAR

Welcome! If you're reading this, you must be a new or expecting parent. Congratulations on your little bundle of joy. Humans are programmed to breed and nurture their young, but there are still many important lessons you must learn in order to be a good parent.

First off, how was your childbirth? Fun? Painful? I bet. If you want to read about the process of childbirth, please look elsewhere as this post is simply about the first year of a baby's life. After a baby exits the mother's vaginal canal, it is often covered in blood and/or mucus. You may think your baby looks gross, but I assure you that he or she just needs to be cleaned off. The baby will also probably be screaming quite loudly!!!! But wouldn't you be screaming loudly if you were just pushed out of your comfortable, womb-like home you'd been living in happily for the past nine months?

The best thing to do after your baby is cleaned off and swaddled is to speak to him or her. Make him or her comfortable with the voice of their parents. He or she may or may not be hungry when she comes out, as well. Are you breastfeeding?? If so, great! Let the baby drink milk from your breast. If you are the mother, of course. If you're the father, be supportive of the child's mother as breastfeeding is harder than it looks and can often be painful. Usually there is a nurse that can help you adjust to breastfeeding.

The baby may spit up. That can be messy! Watch out!

If you are not breastfeeding, there is nothing wrong with that!!!! Really!!! Just give the baby formula from a bottle. The father can do this as well, unlike breastfeeding, which is one reason many parents choose this method of feeding.

For the rest of the year, your baby may or may not sleep through the night. Babies cry a lot and need a lot of attention. Try to teach them how to speak when they get closer to a year. They will probably start saying stuff like "mama" or "dada." Depends on which parent is around the most, I guess. Baby poop smells gross and diapers need to be changed as often as possible. I mean, unless there is no poop or pee.

Remember - parenting is a beautiful thing! Enjoy your child - after year one there are many wonderful years left.